My Decision and My Reasoning

"All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them." Hebrews 11:13-16

I told my friends that I would make an official decision today (November 19th) about whether I would be coming home for good in December or I would stay in Texas for another semester. I thought it would be best if I wrote everything out so they—and you—can know my heart and know that I have not made this decision lightly. In fact, for about two months, the decision making process had consumed me. And that, my friends, is where the problem began.

‎"We focus our energies on telling God exactly what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. In fact, we repeat ourselves over and over again just to make sure God didn't miss any of the important details. But what if, instead of spending all our energy making plans for God, we spent that energy seeking God?" - Mark Batterson

This was me. Somewhere in my crazy head, I had made myself think that I was deciding on the rest of my life and that if I stayed I would never get to go home again. [That is ridiculous! Committing one year to this ministry does not mean that I can never go home again.] So I pleaded with God constantly that He would let me go home and I kept trying to find reasons that would “influence” his decision—and they are great excuses. I want to start a ministry in town. I want to start a non-profit that would provide aid in Africa, India, somewhere. I want to be a direct influence on my brother's lives. I want to work with the kids in the Heritage youth group. I want to be in community with the College and TwentySomethings again. There are things I've learned here that I want so badly to take back and share with the people at home and model my life after the lives of people at MCA back home in Johnson City.

But I still have more to learn. I can still start a ministry in June. I can still start a non-profit that will provide aid to foreign nations in God's timing. I can influence my brother's lives by staying in Texas because they will see me giving up what I want to do what God wants. I can still work with the kids at Heritage in June, but until then I can love the students here fiercely so they have no doubts that they are loved not only by me, but also by an Almighty God who wants them to love Him. I can still be in community with the College and TwentySomethings in June, but until then I can devote myself to the people God has placed me with now by serving them in every way possible and treating them like Christ would treat them. God will still work in the lives of the people in Johnson City whether or not I am there.

I've also been reading about making an influence on further generations. Telling my kids that I tried out the mission field, missed home, and left would not be the kind of influence I want to have on my future family. I want to be able to tell them that I did all, gave all, for the glory of God and not for myself because I want my future children to remember that and live their lives in the same way.

I am growing spiritually here more than I ever have before. Before I knew a lot about God and about being a Christian and I did love God; but now, now I cherish Christ in a way that I never even knew was possible. I actually love the person of Christ, His characteristics, His sacrifice, and His plan. My heart has been softened to Him and His word. Before I was rarely moved by the Word; now, I am brought to tears by the way He rescued my in my wickedness and gave me the greatest gift of all: Himself.

Friends at home: I am so thankful for you. My love for you has grown even more by being separated from you. I cannot wait to see you over Christmas break and I do hope that God will give me the opportunity to live in community with you again. Until then, I will pray for you and think of you always in eager anticipation to see you again soon.



“For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” - Philippians 4:11

Paul was in prison; I'm just in Texas.



In Christ—who has saved me from death.