The Beauty of Uncertainty and Signing Contracts

“Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life – gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God, He begins to fill our lives with surprises.” - Oswald Chambers

This just in friends, [ok, not really JUST in, because this actually happened on Monday, but whatever!] I signed my contract and will be coming back to MCA next year as a TEACHER. For those of you who don't know, I have never taught, ever. I'm a little scared but I'm embracing the uncertainty! By choosing to do something so different, I will get to see God work and make me into the teacher He would have me be. And that, my friends, is very exciting.

Throughout this year God has given me such a desire to get into the lives of our students, and while I get opportunities to do so while working in the office, I want as many as I can possibly get. I can't wait to get into the classroom and be able to teach them about English and literature, but then also have so many opportunities to pull students aside and ask them about their walk with God and share Truth with them.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I know that God is leading me and showing me amazing things that I would not have seen had my life been lived full of certainty about what tomorrow holds.

Tell me, where is God taking you?

Spiritual Sensitivity Training

God has been putting me through a spiritual sensitivity training of sorts lately. What I mean by this, is that He's been prodding my heart to do things, sometimes things that don't make sense at the time or don't seem to have an impact, solely [in my eyes, at least. His ways are higher than my ways] because He wants me to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. This is something that we talk about here from time to time. If we stop listening to the Holy Spirit, we will become less and less sensitive until we can't hear Him. So even when I can't figure out why God would have me check on the girl at Whataburger who just had a flat tire when she's already on the phone with someone and isn't going to stop and have a deep, spiritual talk with me, or even when I'm joking around with the students at school but I know I need to ask them how they are doing spiritually, even if it doesn't make sense to me, God has called me to do that act of obedience and I must obey.

In other news, we had field day on Friday. Here's a glimpse.

And there you have it. I'm not going to explain; I'm going to let you come up with your own explanation.

Note Writing and some other stuff

Last time I wrote about note writing. I sent three students notes and got one back from one of the girls today. Her note prompted [you like that? PROMPTED] my response so I wrote back and took the note to her desk. When I got there I saw that she had pinned the last note on the board in front of her desk. Aww.

Also, I didn't write a running post on Monday, but I RAN 5 MILES WITHOUT STOPPING last Saturday! That completes #1 of my 101 in 1001!!! Awesome!

We have a birthday party tonight for one of our Juniors. Always fun.

Erika and I are selling singing Valentines to the students. They are going to be so stupid but so fun.

Lots of emotional stuff happening at MCA but God is most definitely working!

I will try to return to our regular programming soon!

Note Writing

I talked to Naomi (one of the roomies) last night and asked her how she gets opportunities to speak with the kids one-on-one. I think it is especially hard for those of us in the development office to get those opportunities because we see the students out in the hall where everyone is or in our office while other people are working, and no one wants to talk about things they're struggling with while other people are working in hearing distance.

The first thing she told me was, of course, pray. I do this sometimes but I definitely don't pray about getting opportunities to speak with the students one-on-one enough. Even though, I know that when I have prayed for an opportunity, one has come up.

The second thing she said was to write them notes. This is the second time this week I have heard about one of our teachers writing the students a note. I know that I, for one, am much better at articulating my thoughts into a note. I also think it's easier to say hard things on paper than in person, for me or for the student. She went on to say that notes are more permanent. They can be re-read where a conversation can only be remembered.

I'm excited to start doing this. I pray that the words I put on paper will be God-glorifying, gospel-centered words which God will use to impact hearts.

Picture Post

Though you may have seen many of these on facebook, I wanted to post some pictures from the last few weeks. These few weeks have been the busiest since I've been here but I have gotten to know the students so much more and I am so thankful that God has given me this time to spend with them.

Two weeks ago, we had our Bibleville performance which went really well and was super fun. This is Andrew. He and I do "Word of the Day" every day at school.

This is Andy. We do excellent basketball commentary since I am clearly a basketball expert. My key words are: Rally, Zone Defense, Man-On-Man, Set A Screen. He also happens to be the most photogenic person I have ever met.

This is Alma. She's our only senior girl and I just love this picture of her. She played a flapper in the play.

These are the thugs (Josh and Andrew) trying to take the victim's (Benjy) money. He offers them a chicken, of course.

Oh. My. Lanta. This is my favorite part of the play. Evelyn (Rachel) comes to bail Harvey (Nate) out of jail. Then Harvey points the gun at the jail keeper (Memo) and then they have a laugh because it was a fake threat.

Bubba (Tim) watching Detective Doyle (Gabe) use the flavor detector.

We have also had lots of basketball games lately. I looooove going to the games! Esli is the girl with the ball. The girl behind her is Mary.

Our soccer team!

On Wednesday we had a thanksgiving service instead of our usual chapel. Between songs the students got up in front and gave testimonies of the things that God has been doing in their lives, stories of their salvation experiences, and the way God has used struggles to bring change in them and glory to Himself. It was great to hear where they had come from and how God is working in and through them.

On a lighter note

We love slow days at work and we love Mrs. Lopez's new window!

My Decision and My Reasoning

"All these died in faith, without receiving the promises, but having seen them and having welcomed them from a distance, and having confessed that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. For those who say such things make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. And indeed if they had been thinking of that country from which they went out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, God is not ashamed to be called their God; for He has prepared a city for them." Hebrews 11:13-16

I told my friends that I would make an official decision today (November 19th) about whether I would be coming home for good in December or I would stay in Texas for another semester. I thought it would be best if I wrote everything out so they—and you—can know my heart and know that I have not made this decision lightly. In fact, for about two months, the decision making process had consumed me. And that, my friends, is where the problem began.

‎"We focus our energies on telling God exactly what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. In fact, we repeat ourselves over and over again just to make sure God didn't miss any of the important details. But what if, instead of spending all our energy making plans for God, we spent that energy seeking God?" - Mark Batterson

This was me. Somewhere in my crazy head, I had made myself think that I was deciding on the rest of my life and that if I stayed I would never get to go home again. [That is ridiculous! Committing one year to this ministry does not mean that I can never go home again.] So I pleaded with God constantly that He would let me go home and I kept trying to find reasons that would “influence” his decision—and they are great excuses. I want to start a ministry in town. I want to start a non-profit that would provide aid in Africa, India, somewhere. I want to be a direct influence on my brother's lives. I want to work with the kids in the Heritage youth group. I want to be in community with the College and TwentySomethings again. There are things I've learned here that I want so badly to take back and share with the people at home and model my life after the lives of people at MCA back home in Johnson City.

But I still have more to learn. I can still start a ministry in June. I can still start a non-profit that will provide aid to foreign nations in God's timing. I can influence my brother's lives by staying in Texas because they will see me giving up what I want to do what God wants. I can still work with the kids at Heritage in June, but until then I can love the students here fiercely so they have no doubts that they are loved not only by me, but also by an Almighty God who wants them to love Him. I can still be in community with the College and TwentySomethings in June, but until then I can devote myself to the people God has placed me with now by serving them in every way possible and treating them like Christ would treat them. God will still work in the lives of the people in Johnson City whether or not I am there.

I've also been reading about making an influence on further generations. Telling my kids that I tried out the mission field, missed home, and left would not be the kind of influence I want to have on my future family. I want to be able to tell them that I did all, gave all, for the glory of God and not for myself because I want my future children to remember that and live their lives in the same way.

I am growing spiritually here more than I ever have before. Before I knew a lot about God and about being a Christian and I did love God; but now, now I cherish Christ in a way that I never even knew was possible. I actually love the person of Christ, His characteristics, His sacrifice, and His plan. My heart has been softened to Him and His word. Before I was rarely moved by the Word; now, I am brought to tears by the way He rescued my in my wickedness and gave me the greatest gift of all: Himself.

Friends at home: I am so thankful for you. My love for you has grown even more by being separated from you. I cannot wait to see you over Christmas break and I do hope that God will give me the opportunity to live in community with you again. Until then, I will pray for you and think of you always in eager anticipation to see you again soon.



“For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.” - Philippians 4:11

Paul was in prison; I'm just in Texas.



In Christ—who has saved me from death.

Lately

I thought it might be nice for me to let you all know what has been going on lately.

We at MCA have been super busy lately because the Fine Arts Banquet and Auction [where 500+ parents, sponsors, etc come to eat dinner, watch performances, participate in an auction, and see our awesome play] is coming up on the 19th. On Friday we had our first performance of the play and it went very well.

I've been making promotional videos for the school. The fundraising video is finally done after me almost throwing the computer out the window. Now I'm working on the MCA promo video which I think is going to be pretty awesome. I'm editing the interviews that I took a few weeks ago. Some of the answers are just so good and biblical. I can't wait to show it to you!

In other news, I moved out of the Curling's house and into the Lara's. Mrs. Lara and Mr. Lara both teach at the school and their girls Mariann and Nina are in 9th and 6th grade. I love it here. Iris (Mrs. Lara) totally mommies us and girl talks with us and is always encouraging me in the ways of God.

In one month and one day I will be home for Christmas! I can't wait to see you all! Here are some pictures of the students and stuff!

The girls eating Raspas [like Italian Ice, but the kids here get pickles and chili in theirs. Gross.] Left to Right: Nina, Lynette, Sheila, Esli, Alma

The boys after their game against the adults. L to R Top Row: Gabe, Andy, Tim, Jordan, Fabian, GP, Paul, Andrew, Sanchez, Benjy; Bottom Row: Ruach, Nate

The one and only Gabe, who plays Detective Dick Doyle in "The Mysterious Disappearance of Evelyn Baker"

Harvey Porter is SUCH a dream boat. And how! L to R: Sienna, Courtney, Alma, Nate

I just love this picture. Benjy had no idea.

A Hole In Our Gospel

Hey all. Sorry I haven't written a lot lately. I've had a lot going on internally and just can't find a way to write about it, so I haven't.

In other news, I have been listening to A Hole In Our Gospel: What Does God Expect From Us? by Rich Stearns. It's so good and I would reccommend it to any Christian. Here are some quotes pulled from the text.

“Growth demands a temporary surrender of security” - Gail Sheehy

“The place God calls you to is the place where your deepest gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet.” - Fredrick Buckner

“God does indeed use our most painful seasons to deepen our faith and conform us to His will.” - Rich Stearns
 
So, I guess the fact that each of those quotes are somewhat related tells you a little about what I'm struggling with without me having to put it into my own words.

Finally in Mexico

On Saturday we finally got to go into Mexico to the orphanage! I'm not gonna lie, I was a little nervous [mostly because my mom kept saying "I love you" in every single text like I was about to die]. Really, there was nothing to worry about...at least where we were. Border patrol was easy-peasy and I didn't see any big guns the whole day.

When we got to the orphanage, the kids opened the gates for us. We then went on a tour of the campus and took some pictures. A few of the kids were wearing Heritage t-shirts which was super cool. I just wanted to squeeze them!

Erika and I cleaned out some cabinets so the little boys could move into their room.



Then we went out and saw the pigs. They were totes cute.

We didn't get to hang out with the kiddos as much as I wanted but hopefully we will get to in the future.

Also, I REALLY want to ride on this thing!

It was a good experience and I hope I get to go back soon and spend more time with the kids.

Realization and Repentance

This morning at church [Well, actually this afternoon. Our church starts at 2pm] Brent talked about Habakkuk. Habakkuk asked God why He wasn't doing anything about the nation of Israel's sin. God told Habakkuk that He was. He was going to send the Chaldeans (Babylonians) to wipe out Israel and take them captive. So now Habakkuk was shaking in his boots [or sandals]. He knew that suffering was coming his way, so he waited. But he was not just waiting around doing nothing. Habakkuk was trusting in God to fulfill his purpose. Then, as he waited, he began rejoicing in the Lord.

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places." - Habakkuk 3:17-19

Habakkuk--instead of looking at the disparity of his situation--looked to God, his salvation. He did not focus on the suffering to come. He focused on his Savior who was fulfilling His purpose.

How many times do I focus more on my suffering than on my salvation? [Answer: Daily] I must repent of that. After all that Christ went through [I can't even fathom] to pay my ransom, I still focus more on my comfort, my happiness, than on rejoicing in Him and the hope of my salvation.

And even in suffering, even when I so clearly see the way He is working out His purpose in me, why am I still so willing to forget to rejoice in Him? Why do I still focus on my comfort instead of the growth He is providing?

I love you, friends! Thank you for your prayers.

God isn't safe, but He is good.

Aaron Gillespie Interview from Levi Lusko on Vimeo.

I'm going through a time where God is calling me to make lots of decisions and then follow His lead. And I want to. I know that His will is alway perfect but sometimes it's hard to know what that plan is or how to find it.

Last week the development office girls folded 3000 letters to send out for our monthly mailing. During that time we watch movies or listen to sermons to keep our minds occupied while we do the mundane folding. On Monday, I think, I was watching sermons from Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley. I came upon one by Todd Niswonger, now the head pastor I believe, that talked about how to find God's will. He said something that I know in my head but don't always follow. He said it's not God's will that we should seek. Instead, we should be seeking the face of God and then His will will be evident.

I still have to remind myself constantly to do that. Seek God. Seek the face of Christ. The rest will fall into place.

Prayer Request: Pray that I would remember to seek Christ and pray that when His will is revealed to me that I would follow it instead of going my own way.

Leave a comment and let me know if there is any way that I can pray for you! Also, you can leave a comment and tell me what is going on in your life.

Birthday Kidnapping

Brent's birthday is tomorrow so, of course, we decided to throw a little bohop for him. He had no idea. We snuck over to his trailer and banged on his door. He was so pleased to see us [take note of the sarcasm]. So we threw a pillow case over his head, stuffed him in the car, and went to Texas Roadhouse.

It was super fun and we not only got him a balloon birthday hat, but we also made him ride the birthday saddle. Poor boy.

We brought him back to our house for cake and presents and AMAZING birthday cards, which I'm sure he will display in his home.

Awkward Balloon!

Other majorly awesome points in the day included:

1. Seeing a DOUBLE RAINBOW. About 15 or 20 high school boys came outside to marvel at how the double rainbow went "all the way." What does it mean? There were also plenty of fake tears.

2. I took the high school girls to and from volleyball practice. On the way back to the school, they got into a theological discussion. It was really cool to get to talk with them about God stuff! 

Beach

I haven't had much sleep in the last two nights so I'm not even going to attempt writing anything exciting.

We went to the beach. It was fun.

Treasuring Christ

This morning we had our first service as a church plant. I haven’t said anything about the Curlings starting a church yet because it wasn’t official. Now it is. So, anyway, today was our first day.

In the message, Chago was talking about treasuring Christ [the message was based on 1 Peter 2:1-12 which talks about being a living stone and Christ building us into His church, but I’m going to tell you about the parts that really convicted me]. Throughout the service, different things happened that struck a chord in me. Naomi read The Suffering Servant passage from Isaiah 52:13-53:12 and it brought her to tears. Chago spoke about how the Lord looks on us and is pleased because He sees Christ in our place, and it brought him to tears. I began to ask myself, how have I hardened my heart so much that I am no longer moved by God’s goodness and grace? My heart so rarely melts at His words. I am not treasuring Christ as I should. All day I have been questioning how I can see Christ for who He is and have my heart melt in awe of Him, so I prayed about it.

I sat down to read from Piper’s Don’t Waste Your Life. Immediately God began speaking to my heart through what Piper had to say. He talked about how people ask themselves “Why shouldn’t I do this or that?” instead of “How will this help me treasure Christ more? How will this help me show that I do treasure Christ? How will this help me know Christ or display Christ?” Those are the real questions I need to be asking myself in every moment.

Next Piper began talking about TV and how it diminishes our ability to know Christ and to handle great truths reverently. Funnily enough, I had just been complaining how my internet was too slow to let me load a TV show that I had wanted to watch. [I really do love how God speaks so directly to me.]

I pray that God would help me to realize the triviality in everything that is not Him. I pray that He would become my only treasure. I pray that for you as well, reader.

This post was written yesterday. Tomorrow I will write about the beach and stuff.

I always want to write these blogs like I’m some super-spiritual person. Truth is, I’m still flawed. I still sin. I still don’t trust God as I should. I still put my hope in things other than Christ and His coming Kingdom.

Reggie was telling me on facebook or on here about how God spends our lifetime teaching us that everything is temporary except for Him. I wish that I longed for the Kingdom like I long for home. I wish that I longed to see Christ’s face like I wish to hold my brothers [Yep, all three of them] in my arms. But I don’t. And that is a problem. God is definitely teaching me what it feels like to long for something and it makes my heart hurt.

But what a great reunion that will be when I finally get to see my family, my Breehan, my Ivan, all of my friends. But even better than that will be the day when we, as the bride of Christ, will be wed to Him forever, and will get to enjoy Him in eternity.

The place I want to be most that is on earth? Right here:

Pray

Today I don't have any stories, just a prayer request. Please pray for the drug violence in Mexico to stop! I really want to be able to go into Mexico to the orphanage but it's scary over there. Pray that whatever God's will is would be worked out in this situation.

What a difference a week makes

Last Sunday, I was ready to pack it in and go home. I missed my family. I missed my friends. I missed my church. And I'm not going to lie, I still miss them all day every day, but it doesn't weigh on me like it did last week. Last week I was like a balloon [all of my MCA friends will enjoy any balloon reference so I thought this might be a good metaphor], one little poke and I would have exploded [in tears, not literally exploded].

But this week has been so renewing for me. God has really been working on my heart, many times without me realizing it. I continually tell Him that I need Him so desperately and He takes care of the rest! How amazing that God looks on wicked me and sees Jesus in my place and makes me His child. He has given me peace and joy about being here. It's wonderful. He is wonderful.

On Thursday, school started. I was asked to substitute teach a 9th grade English class while their normal teacher, Naomi, is out of town. It was is terrifying [I still have one more day on Monday] and I teach wayyyy to fast, but it's good to know that I'm freeing up whoever would have been teaching it.

I couldn't sign in to the Missionary Evangelism website on Thursday or most of Friday, so I didn't really have a lot on my list that I was able to accomplish, but I still had fun. Plus, I wore this awesome hat. But I think the kids thought I was being serious so that really was just awkward and not super funny.

Thursday night we had a family dinner. I. Love. Family. Dinner. It's so fun to sit around and hang out with everyone. At first we thought it was a somewhat daunting task to get everyone together but, in my opinion, it is totally worth it.

Here's a pic. Aren't we cuuuute? [The correct answer is "yes"]

[Left to right: Me, Erika, Brent, Ilonka, Melinda, Emily. Missing: Naomi]

Yesterday we worked and then had leftovers family dinner and watched "Rat Race." Let me just tell you, any movie with cow comedy, I LOVE. [See also "O Brother Where Art Thou."]

Today we went to Barnes & Noble for awhile and then went over to Chago and Trinette's to watch the kiddos. We watched some movies, played Twister, and cuddled some puppies. I also got to say the infamous words "say 'Yes Ma'am'". It was awesome.

My new friends are beginning to feel like old friends and I'm loving it.

Prayer: Pray that I would get to know the students and be able to show Christ to them!

So much to tell

Left to Right: Ilonka, Melinda, Naomi, Me, Erika

This has been a spectacular couple of days. Yesterday, we had a pool party and it was so fun. We played some really ridiculous and unsuccessful pool games, had some good food, and played Signs [which is pretty much Brent's favorite game ever].

Today Juan called me and asked me to make an intern application sometime before the afternoon. That was fine until I realized we were getting out of our in-service meeting at noon which was 1pm where Juan was and I hadn't even started. I ended up finishing it on time [Praise the Lord!!!] and then started on editing something for the Curling's website. It was awesome to finally get to do some of the stuff I was hired for!

Later Brent came into the office and asked if I would be a substitute teacher for Naomi's 9th grade english class for Thursday, Friday, and Monday. I wasn't thrilled but I said I would go talk to her. When I went in there she explained everything that I would be doing so I didn't want her to have  to explain it again to someone else. Needless to say, I'm going to be teaching for three days. I'm super-scared but I know that this will be a good experience. God has placed me in this position so I pray that I will glorify Him and say only that which He would have me say. [God wills it! Right Seth/Brett?]

Tonight we had our first family dinner with all of the interns...Aww. Right? Right. Ilonka cooked an awesome meal and it was fun just hanging out with everyone.

I love that I'm becoming more an more myself with these people. Quiet, Awkward Tori is so blah. Awkward, Fun Tori is so yay!

Prayer: Please pray that I would be able to keep a handle on my classroom tomorrow and not have a panic attack!

The Blackberry Saga...or something

Let me tell you a little story about how everything God does is for a purpose, even the small and seemingly insignificant stuff. This is going to seem random to begin with but it will make sense by the end [I hope].

So a few months ago, my parents went to NYC and I watched my younger brothers. Due to a series of unfortunate events, my phone got wet and the track ball didn’t work. I talked to the Verizon guy and he told me to take my battery out and leave it for a while. Random right? [You would think so, but you would also be wrong.]

Today I set my phone on the sink while I showered. During my shower I decided I needed to text something to someone [so specific, right?] but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to send this text for the right reasons. I got out of the shower and thought about how I could “put my fleece out” [like Gideon] but then decided that I would just go ahead and text the person. When I got to my phone, low and behold my track ball didn’t work. So I rebooted the phone and it still wouldn’t work. There was my answer.

So, even though I felt like there was no purpose for my phone not to work while my parents were out of town, it taught me how to fix it in that situation AND decided my texting dilemma.

The end. There you go.

Today was great, by the way. The development office gals skyped with Juan and got our assignments for the semester, so now I actually know what I’m doing here! Tonight we had orientation so I got to meet some of the students. They are presh.

I want to hear about YOU! Please leave me a comment telling me a little about what you’re up to and let me know if you have anything you want me to pray for [Sorry, Emily. “for which to pray”]. I really do want to know, I’m not just being nice!