Being Back

Being back is a weird thing. Really weird. I can't nail down any specific emotions but here is a little of what is going on in my head.

When I was at home, I did not desperately search for God. I did my devotions and I was very aware when I wasn't praying, but my heart was not yearning for Him. The reason, I know, is because I wanted to focus on spending time with my family and friends while I had the chance. This is not a bad thing in itself but when my thoughts and time are consumed with them and God is put on the back burner, that is sin. Sin.

In Texas it is easier to be desperate for God because I don't have them. But my relationship with God should not be a matter of circumstance, it should be the constant pursuit of my heart. I know that I need to be here because this place is teaching me to make Him my all in all, but that needs to be, again, not based on my circumstance. I pray that God will change my heart and pull my focus ever toward Him.

This semester, so far, is also different in that I feel like I can be a little more independent. Last semester, I always felt like I needed a friend to be my buffer in every situation. For instance, every time I thought about hanging out with students or talking to students, I felt like I needed to have someone come with me. Now, I feel more like I can do these things through the power of God without taking someone with me. So now, I am praying that I would be bold in my ministry and that God would show through me and that Tori would take a back seat.